Monday, August 30, 2010

MBNGFC






You will find as I post, these stories will jump around the timeline of my life.  From the previous story in the 80s we jump now to 2007..mid to late January.

So, I had been in my new city for nearly two years and really hadn't dated much..but eh... what's a girl to do..nothin!  Anyway, I started becoming kinda chummy with a guy..really just friends. We would chat about work and life and stuff..lunch. Thru this we determined that we both enjoyed hockey.  With that, I scored us two tickets to a Saturday night game...fun!

Saturday night arrives..he picks me up and off we go!  Keep in mind I had no romantic designs on Chip..really..I'm truthin' here!  We were having a blast..the team was winning..great crowd..beer..a great night. As I sat that there..I looked over and said to myself  'Self..this Chip is a great guy..I think I would like to hold his hand.'  Well...quelle suprise..coulda blown my ass over with a feather!

Okay...so what to do now. Even though the thought of holding his hand was nice, I would never just do that..not in a million years.  Besides..that thought..the holding his hand (or that of any man) ..was my way of determining that I was interested and really wanted to get to know him better.  So..I sat there..thinking about this..my brain racing.  With all of that said; he drove me home, gave me a hug and waited until I opened my front door until he left..how gallant!  Of course..my girl brain started racing once again..because of course, we all know that when a man waits to leave until you are safely in your house he is ready to call you his bride!  Of course I'm exaggerating, but really..women are pretty much assholes when it comes to this kind of thing..why must we over think EVERYTHING!

Time to figure out what is happening, but of course it's hard to get out of my own way..dummy.  Well..it is nearly Valentines Day and I like to make cookies..let me do that. So..I baked crap loads of heart shaped sugar cookies and distributed to all kinds of people..OF COURSE Chip had to get cookies..the best ones!  He loved them..how could he not. Not only were they delicious, they were really cute and made with love!

As a couple of weeks go by I do my best to let him know that Withers is interested, but it seems to fall on 'deaf' ears.  Mind you, we are corresponding via email..after all..it's much easier to hide behind..well for me.  Regardless, I thought I was pretty clear..or was I?  Why is he not saying anything.. acknowledging what I'm saying..wtf is going on here?  Time for the full court press!

I still have the email I sent:

Subject:  Okay..I need to know....

...do I scare you..or am I making you uncomfortable..or do you not us want to go ‘there’?    I get such mixed messages and vibes from you and it’s making me batty!!    If I am making you uncomfortable, I’m sorry..I’m very much out of my comfort zone being so forward with you…it’s scary stuff.  However, if this is something you don’t want to try, that is okay too, but I need to know..for my own piece of mind.
Boy..I sure am a pushy broad..eh?  Sometimes I just cannot help it.  I like you..you’re a neat guy and I want to know more..so sue me! 
Yeah..I know..ballsy eh?  I read it and can't believe that I wrote that..and I wasn't even drunk!!!   And I know you're are dying the answer to that eloquent piece of literature!  WELL..what happened next is something I talk about to this day.  When I read his response I laughed so hard that I got a headache and..think a bit of my lung came up.

Now I'm not going to post his entire email for in the grand scheme of things it just doesn't matter..all that matter were three little words.....
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I AM GAY!!

Uh..yeah..I DID NOT see that coming..at all.  My first reaction?  Loud, raucous, from my very soul laughter! As stated above..I laughed so hard I got a headache...seriously.  Oh..why the fuck not..of course you are! 

I have plenty of gay man friends...I know a gay may..shoot..I think I am a gay man!  I'm thinking that gaydar in Florida is VERY different than that here in the Mid-Atlantic.  He thinks he is a queen..this boy doesn't know queen if he thinks he is one.  He thought that I should have seen the signs.. incessant working out..the Jeep (huh?) and the dead giveaway..the Appletini!  Whatever dude..

As I write and relive this, I shake my head..still can't believe this happened. But again..it is my life and the kind of crap that happens in the Dating Adventures of Withers LaRue.

Your in bad dating (and crushing gays),

Withers LaRue


Oh yeah..the title = My Best New GirlFriend Chip

4 comments:

  1. "all the good ones are gay" is a phrase that can't be shouted enough. case in point? my adorable self!
    keep on livin' the awkward whithers and we will keep reading along with you!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Actually found your blog through Ashley's Blog. I could not stop laughing at this post. He really threw out the "gay" card?....what a typical cowardly thing to do. Sounds like you need a B.O.B....battery operated boyfriend.

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